Failures & Resolve.

Oh sheesh. I’ve been having one of those “I seriously don’t know if I’m cut out for this” type of snowballing thoughts. Even as I type if though, I feel gross about it. I would much rather have happy go lucky “look at those beautiful dang biscuits yo!” type of post. Sometimes, that is the life I wish I lived.Really, I wish I just knew everything and would stop making so many dang mistakes.I mean, I know we are all human, so therefore, we are going to mess up. That’s the sinful nature of humans side of things, which is a road that is a theological discussion which ends up in how much we need the love of Jesus. Which is true, but not really what I’m referring to.

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I’m talking about mistakes in the kitchen. Mistakes in how I organize or forget to organize. Mistakes in trusting the wrong recipes & the wrong people, and my tasteless, cardboard muffin is the result of an untested or simply blah recipe that someone posted as “the best.” Especially when there is pressure to have the right, delicious, have-you-wanting-more type of product. There is a weird expectation & pressure to simply just “have” all this knowledge & know how already in your brain, ready to be extracted and baked out.This is false. You get those tidbits and that knowledge by producing the wrong thing, finding where you went wrong, and righting it.Feeling that pressure & failing sucks. Fact.

Going through photos I’ve taken, trying my best to muster something worthwhile for this post. Because I have many items that rank about a 4 or 5 on a scale of ten I could show you. Blueberry cream scones that get a bit swirly & look delicious? They taste like nothing. Chai chocolate vegan scones? They look like cardboard; they taste like cardboard. & that brown butter shortbread you anticipated & dreamed about? If you dreamed it was dry & almost weirdly powdery, then yes, you are spot on.Don’t get me wrong, there was a bit of redemption in coconut & chocolate scones, & brioche cinnamon rolls will make an appearance soon (soon . . . yum). But for now, even though I feel as this was a bit of a dump, it was also a wee glimpse into my heart & my life, and just letting you know that in no way do I have it all together. I have been the victim of reading blogs & wondering how in the world those ladies have their picture perfect life so wonderful & charming & organized & delicious & {insert slightly jealous adjective here}. Those people do inspire me, but it doesn’t give a license for comparison.
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My final advice to you is to invest in a lovely baguette, a few crumbles of goat cheese, a juicy tomato, & bourbon on the rocks. Who cares if it is 3pm? Consider it one of the perks of being a grown up. Relish in the fact that you will, indeed, exist to try again. You will have the resolve to not identify yourself by your mistakes. & yes, you are never alone in this.Happy adventuring & living, friends. I’ll be back with cinnamon rolls.xx

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