Sweet Potato Bread & Not Being Enough.

Hi. My name is Anna, & I’m not enough.
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{Hi, Anna.}I have lacked confidence most of my life, but I’ve been on the security in Christ wagon for six years, give & take lots of uncertain moments.

{quiet group applause}

I had a relapsed moment a bit ago, when I doubted myself. I’m ashamed to say it, but this happens. I’m only human. I feared that what I am, what I have to contribute, was incorrect, replaceable, old -news, or simply flat out wrong. Which scares me because I’m my own eyes, when I am wrong, I am losing credibility with everyone around me, like it is water dripping through spread fingers, and there is nothing I can do about it.

{knowing looks}

It’s not that I take myself too seriously – well, maybe I do – but I have to wrong habit of looking at myself through the lenses of how I think others are viewing me.

Flighty – Flaky – Uneducated – Dull – Rash – Ambiguous – Twit – Talks too much – Never satisfied – Can’t sit still – Isn’t doing enough – Lazy – Non-committal – Coward – No follow through – Boring – Selfish – Not serious – Never sincere – Not a credible source – Unconfident – Not genuine – All talk – No substance.

{looks fall onto faces that can relate, tears springing to eyes}

I don’t say this to fish for anything, nor am I donning the age of a postponed quarter-life crisis. It’ s a moment of vulnerability, in which I can bare my soul to you, dear friends. The practice & the art of writing naked, fears & doubts splayed in what is usually viewed as an ugly fashion. But there is beauty there, and it lies in the Truth.

The Truth that I am a fallen, finite being. The Truth that I fail everyday in a myriad of ways, whether that be failing myself, my spouse, my friends, or God. The Truth that I sin, fall short, & find myself on my knees again. Not because I have fallen down and am having a small pity-party. No, I am on my knees because it’s the Safe Place. When my mind has run away with itself and all I can hear are my fears brought to life, I know on my knees before my Father is the safest place I can be. In those still moments, I can hear His voice & see His eyes towards me.

Daughter – Beloved – Gifted – Courageous – Convicted – Saved – Redeemed – Whole – Desired –

{some nod in agreement, knowing the Truth. some stare wide-eyed, hearing Truth for the first time, drinking it in & letting it wash over their wounds and hurts, a balm to their weary souls.}

These fears aren’t my identity. My identity is hidden in Christ. When I am overwhelmed with fears, I subsequently become overwhelmed with gratitude, because really I am simply seeing the me that I have been saved from. When I see that I suck, I see that He is good. His grace is abounding, which means never-ending, doesn’t run out, can cover anything & everything. We don’t get to choose what Christ saves us from and what we get to hold onto; whether we cling because we still want that piece to be a part of our lives, or we cling because we think He couldn’t possibly want that ugly part of us, it doesn’t matter. When we accept His grace, it’s all – or -nothing.

All – or – nothing. What a beautiful thing that He wants our all, eh?

I’m not enough, and because He is.

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Is there a perfect way to transition from great grace to delicious baking? I’m not sure. I’ll just stumble through this transition . . .
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Sweet potato gives this bread a sweet delicacy, while maintaining its autumnal heartiness.Simple & lovely, just like grace. Get lost in His goodness.

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Sweet Potato Bread
makes one loaf1 cup sweet potato puree*
2 eggs
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup water
1 cup white sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoons baking soda
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cardamom
 * I only had one small sweet potato on hand, & the puree amount came to about 5/6 of a cup. I used mashed banana to make it a full cup, and it was delicious! You can sub banana, applesauce, squash puree, etc. Be creative! 🙂

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour one 8.5 x 4.5 x 2.5 inch loaf pan.

In a large bowl, mix together the sweet potato puree, eggs, oil, water and sugars until thoroughly combined. In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg and cardamom.

Stir the dry ingredients into the butternut squash mixture. Combine just until incorporated; do not over mix. Pour into the prepared pan.

Bake at 350 degrees for 55-65 minutes or until a wooden skewer inserted into the center of the loaf comes out clean.

Source: inspired by & adapted from My Baking Addiction
Listening to: Hey, It’s Christmas

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